I AM
I am Kabera –
the one. I’m eighteen and I weigh 60 kilos/ 132.7 lbs. I never wear shirts without sleeves
because I don’t like how flabby my arms are and when I go shopping I buy
clothes three sizes larger because it makes me feel smaller. Being comfortable
with my body image is a concept I have been trying to decipher for nearly half
my life and as much as I’d like to blame my insecurities on society, I’ve come
to realize that human reasoning faculties were never supposed to be relied on in
the first place.
I am Kabera
Amahoro – the one who brings peace. It’s come to my attention that we seldom
talk about mental health here in Uganda. I won’t claim to come from an
extremely cultural background but strength is a huge part of African culture.
This strength has nothing to do with what we have personally endured but rather
the trials and tribulations of the thousands of great women and men that lived
before us. In the eye of grand tragedies like decades of war, slavery and famine,
mental health disorders seem minute. For many years I had been ill-advised and put
under the impression that depression is just teenage chapter of rebellion that’ll
eventually pass so I resorted to silence.
I love poetry and enjoy reading books. I’m fond of running away and taking
a break from reality so if I’m not reading a book, I’m zoning out to an
alternate universe where bodily appearance is not a yard stick used to quantify
one’s worth or beauty. I am surrounded by many people but my true friends are
few and that’s absolutely satisfactory because I prefer a small but strong
circle to a large but defective one. I love photography and I’m overly
sentimental. I have social anxiety but I love to perform my poetry in front of
large crowds.
I am Kabera
Amahoro Angel – the seraph of peace. I’m
learning how to grow independent of public judgment and make self love my
culture. I’m also taking time to study and fully value that which I am by
deconstructing and appreciating every piece of my existence. In my spare time I
play the guitar and sing for an imaginary audience. I don’t smoke or do drugs
but once in a while a drink a bottle or two of wine. I have an acquired taste
for classical music and abstract art. I don’t like talking to people about my
problems because most of them are burdens I’d rather not share. I have a
collection of rocks from all the places my friends have visited that I keep in
a special bag in my room. I’m taking time to appreciate the things and people
around me to curve a positive perception of my body image in my mind.
My
mental health and self acceptance journey may not be as deep as most of the
one’s you’ve read but it is equally real. Mental health disorders aren't a ‘white people’
problem. Mental disorders are more common than you think. Mental health
disorders do not always have noticeable signs. Mental health disorders are not exclusive
to any group of people.
Silence
is not a sign of strength and
Silence
has never healed anyone.
X
Kabera Amahoro Angel
People can be many things, many times they don't choose what to be. But you? You are gorgeous, and courageous, and clear minded, and most importantly, by speaking out on problems that many people face but are too timid to open up about you are pouring soothing ointment on wounds that you are not the least bit responsible for. For this I cannot express enough how proud I am of you; but I believe we all owe you deep gratitude.
ReplyDeleteX
It is a whole lot about yourself that you know of. I can say the hardest question one will ever live to hear about is “WHO ARE YOU?”. Defining the pronouns Who, What and Which about oneself is pretty one that may throw you into a deep sea of memories to fish out your own definition of you.
ReplyDeleteIt is quite impressive the way you express yourself in literature.
Strength has always defined the African man and woman as you brought it out on your writing. However it is at such a time we, Africans, took on what you are calling mental health.
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DeletePlease post more blogs 😊🙏🏿this is so nice
ReplyDeleteI really love this peice I'm a introverted extrovert if you know what I mean. .sometimes at the centre of criticism but never let it go to my head I'm opened minded and some people who don't understand me mistake my boldness for pride.
ReplyDeleteOne thing I've learnt is to just do you and don't focus on public opinion.
DeleteKeep writing more of these. Beautiful!!!
ReplyDelete💜
ReplyDeleteThank you Kabera.